Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
