First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
