Please, let me fuck your mom
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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