I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
