I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
