I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Is it penis luge time yet?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
