It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I want to be your penis for a week.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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