yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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