If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's official drugs can't kill me
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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