some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
