Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
