porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
