We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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