sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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