At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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