Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
