there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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