I just saw a hot homeless man
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
