the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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