all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
