I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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