Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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