I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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