I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
