Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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