i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You are a booty call, not a friend.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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