just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
