i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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