Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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