just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
