Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I would fuck him just for his dog
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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