Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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