Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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