I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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