i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
