A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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