WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
