so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
