Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
