How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
