I wish you could order shots online.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
