I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
