I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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