Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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