i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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