I CAN MOONWALK!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
