I puked a lego.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
