It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
how does that bad decision feel?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
