If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
