Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
