Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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