K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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