i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
