never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
