I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
