I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
