K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
